Returning to a Work/Life Balance Concept

Two years ago, severe health issues necessitated medical leave from my job, and I chose not to return at the end of that leave. I have enjoyed the past two years without any "day job" constraints. It's allowed me to heal. It's allowed me to methodically research things for my art business so I could then launch it. It's allowed me to focus a lot of time with my family, particularly as the kid graduated from high school and started college in town. It's also allowed me to manage all the house drama as something of a part-time project manager to make sure we kept our timelines tight and got as much bang for our homeowner's insurance buck as possible. However negatively it started with doctor appointments and numerous tests and scans, I am deeply appreciative that I've had the privilege of this time and space away from a "daily grind."

But, alas, the house drama cost a bit more than our savings could manage without having to consider loans and/or keeping our emergency savings depleted for too long. So I started flexing my clinical research network to see if anyone had a part-time gig for me. (These last two years taught me that full-time was going to retrigger all the issues that landed me in medical leave in the first place.) I found one and have been toiling in the clinical research mines for the past month.

I've kept as many guard rails in place as possible. I limit myself to 25hrs/wk and often don't meet that fully (largely due to pre-scheduled appointments for the healing broken foot), but everyone's fine with my schedule and my output around those time constraints. I take lunch away from the desk (or with the work laptop closed and doing fun things on my personal computer). I get up and step out onto the balcony for a few moments whenever my watch nudges me to get moving. The company I'm working with doesn't want personal phone use for security reasons and as a part-time temp worker, they won't be issuing me a cell phone. So I am unreachable when I turn my work computer off for the day. No checking email, no quick pings in chat, no texts.

This feels like the must indulgent luxury.

And yet I've still had some anxiety return, some insomnia due to the hamster-wheel of thoughts (mostly not about work; I just don't have as much time during the day to get them sorted as I used to). I've not made time for exercising or meditating as often as I prefer (and, frankly, need). I've gone back to some bad old habits of de-prioritizing my needs to take care of work and the family.

Yes, I've got work to do on my work/life balance. This is not unexpected. I've got some wins in there and some good lessons learned to help me course correct. And I'm identifying some base problems now before they become entrenched and so much harder to resolve.

Through it all, I am also reminding myself of the experimental nature of this gig, at least from my perspective. Yes, we needed the extra cash a bit quicker than my art could possibly provide. But I also wanted to know, personally, how this would go. For all that I struggled with work/life balance before I left my last job (and for several jobs before that one, to be honest), I truly enjoyed the work that I did. Clinical research administration is fascinating and rewarding. It's a great way to stay immersed in science but keep things extra stimulating with the juggling act that is project management. And your daily output helps get life-saving or health-improving drugs and tests on the market.

As I searched for jobs out of financial necessity, I kept close the knowledge that I was also doing this for me. Can I keep my foot in that career while growing my art and writing career in a healthy way? Do I want to? What more am I going to learn about myself in this process that's going to make Future Kellie even better?

One month in, I can't answer those questions very well. It's too fresh, too new, and I have to better apply lessons Past Kellie has already learned. I'll keep checking in, though, and seeing what new knowledge has shifted loose.